There are some myths out there that people assume to be gospel about dating.
Christian culture is like any other in that we develop truisms that we accept without verifying.
But I do know this— if you rely on this idea too much, your dating life will get really confusing.
Of course, one of the biggest obstacles toward casual dating is the inevitable “ending.” So many of us equate kindness with never saying anything hard to anyone. Kindness is honoring someone in your treatment of them, but kindness is also honoring them by ending a dating relationship if needed. But the purpose of dating isn’t to just accumulate boyfriends or girlfriends—it’s to find a best friend and partner for life.
If you’ve maintained boundaries and treated your date with respect, you’ve protected him or her from false and premature intimacy. And when you find him or her, chances are, none of those other guys or gals you’ve casually dated will matter much in the light of your spouse. You can’t have the attention of multiple dates and still be pursuing a God-honoring relationship with one.
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Nicole Unice is the author of ÒBrave Enough: Getting Over our Fears, Flaws and Failures to Live Bold and Free.Ó (Tyndale, 2015) and travels frequently enough to almost feel like she can fly.
Most of marriage involves time together, one on one, in a friendship.
And spending intentional one-on-one time—not too serious, just time—allows both parties to experience what it would be like to continue in the relationship.I don’t have first-hand knowledge, but thanks to reality TV, I believe it appears to involve asking the woman’s dad if she is available to date, and possibly not kissing until the actual wedding.Outside the Duggar-verse, there is the less overt but just as prevalent “ideal spouse” dating. Did she want my sweatshirt because she was cold, or because she likes me?At the opposite extreme, there is “Faux Christian Dating”—in which young Christians have no idea what to do with dating, so they avoid it. “Hanging out” leads to all kinds of mixed feelings. Stop evaluating whether the new girl at church is hot enough and “low-maintenance” enough for your liking.If you take notice, if you are intrigued or interested, make a date! We are talking about one afternoon or evening together, not a lifetime.I can’t say it clearly enough: Hanging out in groups will not be enough information to determine who is worth marrying.