This is more like the stuff you tell your girlfriend at the end of the day, the eye-glazing end of intimacy.There’s intimacy that’s thrilling, but this isn’t.”Conversations have leaked outside the group, like the time one woman wrote of her son’s bad behavior, and another Woolfer told her own child, who happened to know the son, who then told the son of his mother’s revelations about his conduct.“It was pretty easy to figure out who it was,” Ms. “I reached out and said, ‘This is super-uncool,’ and we removed her from the group.When a white Woolfer reported that a black man in a park had exposed himself to her, many in the group were inflamed that she had noted his race. Collins read every post herself, to steer the conversation and defuse tension.
Politics, race and infidelity are topics that reliably lead to problems. “This is not a liberal arts college, circa 2016,” she wrote in part. Bring on the posts about money concerns and racism concerns and class struggle, but don’t blame fellow members without real cause.
“I’ll be out somewhere and I’ll get a text from someone saying basically there’s a huge fight in Aisle 6 and what do we do? Assume goodness, please.”Jenny Douglas, an early Woolfer and moderator, said, “If there’s a post you don’t like, we say, ‘Scroll on by.’ You don’t need to pick a fight with everything or anyone you disagree with.
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There are now more than 7,600 Woolfers across the country, from New York City, Boston, San Francisco and Los Angeles, as you might expect, but also from Arkansas, Chicago and Maine. Collins, who spent a few weeks last month on a cross-country road trip with a new boyfriend meeting Woolfers in Memphis and Telluride, Colo., among other spots, has a new book, out in April, called “What Would Virginia Woolf Do?
And Other Questions I Ask Myself as I Attempt to Age Without Apology.” It is a sometimes wince-inducing primer on fashion, sex, marriage, divorce, money and health gleaned from her experience as Woolfer in chief, and with contributions from her Woolfer sisters. Collins details her adventures in the orgy tent at Burning Man (she and her ex brought their own sheets, and kept to themselves), her struggles with depression and her adherence to an expensive beauty routine that involves fake eyelashes and Botox.The way we dealt with it was to write about it, so everyone knew what had happened.Ironically, and because I’m a bigger personality, I’ve probably suffered more than others for this.”Ms.She also cops to divorce envy, and notes the benefits of prenups, long-term-care insurance and pharmaceuticals like Xanax.In its breezy candor, the book is as appealing and appalling as the conversations of the Woolfers online, though it lacks the tartness and invective that occasionally erupts there, turning a you-go-girl group of self-affirmers into an unruly scrum. “We’re talking about super-candid things, and people have strong opinions.Because when thousands of women get together on social media, what could possibly go wrong? If you’re talking about whether or not to let your 16-year-old have sex or whether to have an affair or how to tell your colleague at work that she’s a jerk, people will have strong responses.”When one long-married woman wrote about the heartache she was feeling because her lover of five years had broken up with her, many Woolfers were upset by her adultery, Ms.