The more consumed you become with the idea of marriage, the more easily you can slip into a pattern of fantasizing.
It might start as innocently as fantasizing about being with another person. Then you might progress to fantasizing about the children you’d have together or where you would live.
I recently saw a sign outside an elementary school that said, “When given the choice between being right and being kind, choose kind.” That sure sounds good. There are at least two big problems with this statement. I just need to let God bring me the His perfect person, in His perfect time and in His perfect way.
Before you can determine whom to marry, you must first answer an preliminary question: Does God want you to marry anyone, ever? Scripture teaches that marriage, like salvation, is an unmerited gift from God ” In other words, God will either give to a person the gift of being married or the gift of being single. As he was nearing retirement age, he met and married a woman he came to love intensely. What would the world have missed if Lewis had married earlier someone whom God had not chosen? Singles become consumed with the idea of how wonderful life would be if they just had a marriage partner, and then they make concessions and compromises that lead to marriage out of God’s timing and out of God’s will.People who are perpetually lonely as singles are usually the same people who are worried about what isn’t happening to them instead of what they should be doing to minister to others. In 1 Corinthians 7, we’re told to acknowledge singleness as good, allow it for our spiritual growth and use it for God. To feel accepted by another person and avoid the stigma of being single, they enter into unhealthy relationships and compromise values they once held dear.Many ideas are briefly entertained by the mind without ever penetrating the heart.But those ideas that do grasp us in our innermost parts are the ideas that shape our lives.However, for the sake of this blog I want to talk about the other problem. False choices abound when it comes to singleness and especially the way we talk about it in Christian circles. Now I’ve written a ton here about the idea that women are not generally attracted to the nice guy.
That is that choosing between being right and being kind is a false choice. But nice and good are not even in the same ball park. You can absolutely be a good Christian guy and be attractive. You can be single and being completely distracted by the desire for a spouse and/or sex. At least I hope so because basically every person espousing this false choice is in a Christian leadership position. Get your masters, travel the world, live for you, and there will still be time to do the marriage thing later.
waiting on the Lord This is the idea that I don’t need to work at finding a spouse, becoming attractive, learn how to interact with women, or even go on a date to get married. We need to not get caught in the middle of them and we for sure as leaders in the Church need to stop espousing them.
They often paralyze us, limit us and most often leave us exactly where we started.
You can date without sleeping around and you can for sure date with the intention of finding a spouse. being married This is where we tell singles to enjoy their singleness because they are able to be focused on the Lord without distraction where as once you get married you are now somehow less focused on the Lord and completely distracted.
Now if they were talking about the actual call or choice of celibacy for the Kingdom they would have a point.
Nearly all your choices will appear good in some way, but only one will be part of God’s perfect plan —His best for you.