If you could, you might want to have a goal of get teen to stop having sex.
But you seem equally convinced that this is not achievable.
Past efforts to monitor a dating situation have failed, either because of being lied to or because of being let down by a past boyfriend's dad who promised to supervise if the two spent time at his house when he WAS there and did not. Knowing I cannot control what she does, I want to set age- appropriate parameters and attempt to hold her to them. Also, these parameters cannot be based on expecting truthfulness or abstinence.They have to be based on something else, giving her reasonable guidelines within which to learn to take responsibility for herself.You are obviously aware that a teen who is acting out like this will rebel against very restrictive rules, but that still leaves you room to maneuver.The task of a teenager is to become an adult, when a teen is troubled it is imperative that they learn that the responsibility for their actions is theirs alone. ) to unravel that while the problems may stem from some terrible situations and horrible stuff that other people did to her, that she is the one who must now move forward with her life and find ways to make choices that support her.When my daughter asked me when I thought a girl was ready to have sex, I replied ''when she's ready to handle a baby.'' We all know that every form of birth control has a failure rate, so I don't think it's too far out to talk about pregnancy.
A lot of oral sex goes on in dating, with definite health risks, loss of reputation, etc.
As for the rules themselves, I think that the rules we set for teenagers are a safety net, not a protective coating, the kids can get around them if they are determined.
Set the rules that you think are appropriate for her, if they are not 100% enforceable acknowledge this to her, and be clear about the consequences if you do find out that they have been broken.
(Drugs also come into so- called dating.) If our kids hang with a crowd that don't date, it's easier.
We're all in this together Dec 2001 I would like to hear from parents about what kind of parameters they set for dating for 16 year old girls --particularly sexually active ones who ( in addition to being great kids) can be defiant, unreliable, do not tell the truth and have various emotional problems for which they are in treatment/ on medication.
While she doesn't appear to have a specific boy in mind right now (though I may be wrong about that), she's asking questions about what her dating rules will be. I am trying to teach her to stick up for herself, to not deny her inner feelings about someone, to use good judgement, and to be tactful also. Kids can get together in a group in homes where parents cruise through at times (From experience, I know some parents at home may mean zero supervision.) Our daughter is 16 and figured out early that a lot of so-called dating is really an excuse for sexual experimentation.