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When you get into federal prison, you have no control whatsoever.

In the real world, there’s order and rational thinking.

“The inmate population is going to hate him.” His advice?“He’s got to just watch his s*** and be quiet and docile.” Make friends with the prison guards, but don’t be too obvious about it.Don’t miss: Special report: White-collar felons for hire “They come from a world where there’s order,” Frantz said.“They have people under them and tell them what to do.They’ve already helped the likes of Bernie Madoff and Martha Stewart. A combination hand-holder, shoulder-to-cry-on, and red tape slicer, prison consultants prep future inmates for life behind bars, teach them how to make the best use of their time “on the inside,” and can even help inmates shave time off their sentences.

Many of the consultants have been to prison themselves and know from personal experience how to navigate the Bureau of Prisons bureaucracy.Paperny did and regretted it (it’s too hard on your parents to watch something like that).When in prison, listen more than you talk “The best advice I could give the congressman is to mind his own business, show people respect and don’t get caught up in drama,” Levine said.Prices for their services range from 0 for advocating for better medical care in prison to ,000 for comprehensive post-prison consulting to help ex-inmates rebuild their lives by starting new businesses — in fields they’re not legally barred from working in — or writing books. Use the ‘SWOT’ technique In movies and on TV, surviving prison requires brawn.Marketwatch talked to prison consultants to find out how they would advise Weiner and Shkreli. But Larry Levine, founder of Wall Street Prison Consultants, counsels clients to use their brains first.“Pharma bro” Martin Shkreli wept at his sentencing hearing Friday, and former congressman Anthony Weiner cried when a judge sentenced him to 21 months in prison for sexting with a 15-year-old girl.