Recently, I've been getting a lot of private Facebook messages from baby lesbians who are freshly out of the closet and asking me all kinds of questions:"How do I date girls? I will never forget how terrified I was when I first realized I wanted to exclusively swim in the girl pond. I exerted zero effort into attracting boy creatures, but I learned quickly that I didn't really need to.
Unless you want to be thrown into a haphazard mix of other lesbian newbies at a bi-monthly girl party at a massive nightclub, you have to to find out where the experienced lesbians gather. We don't like things that are too easily available, and the dating scene is no different.
Our culture is like a secret designer sample sale advertised only to an exclusive group of people "in the know." (Oh, but once you get inside, you discover it was worth waiting on that pesky long lesbian line).
There are so many "straight" girls on Tinder who are just seeking out threesomes with their boyfriends. And I don't know about you, but I crave r-o-m-a-n-c-e. I know it's new to you, but a date is a date is a date, and if she wants to pay, let the bitch pay. You can be a fully femme lipstick lez and enjoy taking a girl out for a night on the town. You and the chick you're dating will figure out a rhythm that works for you. If you want to wear mega heels and shocking pink lipstick, rock it, girl.
This has made lesbians understandably cynical and bitter, so anyone who lands on the femme spectrum might be met with suspicion. I'm very outwardly girly (but inside, I'm a total fiery TOP), and I would come to find that all the girls I thought were cute initially assumed I was a straight girl seeking a threesome, or a bicurious entity looking to experiment. I put in my profile: Totally gay, seeking the same. I would rather foot the entire bill (and I'm not a rich power lesbian, YET) over going dutch any day of the week. You're not robbed of being romantically indulged just because you're a lesbian. You can be a top and a bottom, both in sex and money, honey. Don't feel like now that you're gay you have to cut your hair off and exclusively wear blazers.
With the great lack of queer spaces, if you want to get laid, you need to swallow your pride and swipe left and right.
Make sure you put in your bio what you're looking for. Some old school lesbians, who fiercely subscribe to butch/femme roles, might feel that the more masculine energy should pay the bill (which is fine -- whatever works for you), but that's a little bit of an antiquated mentality in modern gay culture. If you're comfortable in jeans and a button-down, rock it, girl.Do you discount someone else’s success by spreading rumours that he slept his way to the top?Chances are you are insecure about your own ability to achieve your goals. Unfortunately for us, when we decide we prefer riding the queer train and hop off at station "Girl-On-Girl," there is no tour guide to greet us and lead the way (which is particularly sad, seeing as lesbians make for excellent tour guides). It wasn't so long ago that I was a wide-eyed young gay hungry for the answers to a slew of my pressing questions about lesbian dating. We are taught the rules of the boy-girl dating game at an early age.Some lesbians liked to be tight-lipped (no pun intended) about the gay underworld. I see it like this: It's hard enough to be gay in this cruel, cold, heteronormative world.