To a betrayed spouse, the emotional pain associated with the loss of trust hurts far more, and the pain lasts far longer, than the hurt caused by any specific sexual or romantic act.
As such, I have developed a definition of cheating for digital age that might help couples clarify what is and is not acceptable within the bounds of their relationship: Please notice that this definition does not directly refer to affairs, pornography, strip clubs, hookup apps, sexting, webcams, flirting, chatting, fantasizing, or any other specific sexual or romantic act.
Instead, it focuses on what matters most to you, your partner, and your relationship—the emotional distancing, the sense of intimate betrayal, and the loss of trust.
It's not cheating..it DOES bother me because he isn't sexual with me at all.
When we do have sex, it's often bad and boring and he is only focused on himself.
One partner has done something he or she thinks is perfectly normal and within the bounds of marital bliss, but the other partner feels deeply betrayed by the act, which results in profound emotional pain, sporadic rancor—sometimes simmering, sometimes explosive—and the loss of relationship trust and emotional intimacy.
And until fidelity and relationship boundaries are adequately defined, the couple’s issues have no chance to abate.
I'm far from perfect but I have a lot of positive qualities.
He tells me how much he loves me, but we have sex less than four times a year.
Consider these examples: None of these individuals has had an in-the-flesh sexual encounter outside of their primary relationship, and yet all four have been accused of infidelity by their spouse.
These scenarios beg the question: A few years ago, in an attempt to answer this question, Jennifer Schneider, Charles Samenow, and I conducted a survey of women whose husbands were engaging in significant amounts of extramarital sexual activity, either online or in the real world.
Our research found that when it comes to the negative impact of sex and romance outside the bounds of a supposedly monogamous relationship, tech-based and real-world interactions are : The emotional pain, the sense of betrayal, and the loss of relationship trust feel exactly the same to the aggrieved partner.