On the other hand, daughters-in-law don't necessarily have it any easier. Remember, good parenting is learned on the job — and she's doing the best she can. Do you want to train them in sniping and disrespect, or trust and compassion? Remember, the heart is a generous muscle, and there's enough love to go around.
There are mothers-in-law who, while not clinically deaf, routinely ignore their daughters-in-law's perfectly reasonable requests. Respect your daughter-in-law's parenting style — even if you don't agree with it. More to the point, you're the grandparent now and you're not in charge. Respect her relationship with your son — and don't badmouth her to him. Give her the benefit of the doubt, and never forget how sensitive you were as a young parent trying to do your best. Respect your son's relationship with his mother — whatever your opinion of her. In fact, it's one of the best words in the English language — and in practice, healthy boundaries are what keep us sane and foster friendly relations. The Beatles said it best: It is my job to call the MIL out when she chooses to create discord by lying, criticizing my parenting, insulting my family of origin and meddling in my marriage (like demanding I stop being a stay at home mom and go back to work). After multiple warnings and firm boundaries, her son had enough of her controlling and abusive antics and he dutifully slammed the door in his mother’s face.
Its been 20 years since she had a baby she doesn't care what I say so how would I know that even if I tell her that the chance of SIDS decreases by 80% if a baby sleeps on its back that she would listen? The bottom line is she is not necessary and has no rights what so ever to my children.
It is in your best interest for your husband to fully share his children with his parents because it rus very deep.
Realize things they say and do may be upsetting and flare up your mommy instincts, but in the long run they will have little effect where the inevitable resentment (which men tend not to express verbally) could have real effects on your marriage and family. My mother in law is obnoxious, judgemental and a bully.
What I have seen, DIL comes with genuine gratitude to be good friends with their MILs. Its MILs who needs not to make snide remarks on their DIL appearance, cooking, and absolutely not asking their sons what's his wife's daily routine is. First, if you didn't give birth to the baby that means its not yours to rule around with.
When your DIL tries to make effort to be friends with you, do not through a tantrum when things don't end up according to your expectation, remember dealing with her is not a RIGHT, its a PRIVILEDGE, use it with respect. Please back off for few months, let the new mother cope with her health, give time to the new family to bond and adjust to their new life.
Your MIL is vulnerable to you and you need to do a lot of soul searching, set boundaries for what you really need, express them furmly and vompassionately, and beyond that, look for opportunities to let your husband and MIL enjoy your family together, even if that means occasional unwanted conflict or departures from how you ideally like to do things. Remember she gave you your husband in spite of her flaws that she may not own up to. She expects us to do everything the way she did it raising her sons.
For example my family does not include Santa as part of Christmas and I carried that on with my own children (who are mine from a previous marriage) my mother in law made rude comments and despite my son telling her what he knows about Santa (that he was a real man named St Nick and he gave presents to needy children but that was a long time ago and he is dead now so now parents give presents to their children in his memory) she still insists that they have to behave for Santa and tells my husband that I'm selfish and took Santa from them because I don't want to lie to my kids. Proven fact: Grandparents are not necessary to raise children.
Don’t be paranoid but realize your Dil is planning your ouster. Always talk good about her and she will find you more nicer and genuine.
Author is absolutely right, it takes both sides to keep peace.
Spoil him with toys, lots of toys, books, clothes, shoes, tickets to baby parks and rides.
If you complain to not having to spend alone time with the grandchild, think again how nice or bad you have treated the mother, be kind and genuine to her and she will let you be closer to her baby more than ever you have imagined.
Many grandparents think its their right to give lots of sweets and candy to the kid, think if you have given the same amount of candy to your own son at his infant stage?