The next guy was also highly cultured, a creative venture capitalist, who was familiar with my work, and turned out to be a truly excellent conversationalist.We had a coffee date, a long walk on the beach, a candlelit dinner, texts and emails in between, definite chemistry, and then I didn't hear from him for five days. (Of course, I mostly talked to my single friends and to Sam about Match.) They knew how brave it was of me to go on dates. This pattern repeated -- a flurry of dates, followed by radio silence on the man's part -- and made me mourn the old days, when you met someone with whom you shared interests, chemistry, a sense of humor, and you started going out.
So I didn't give up, even when that day's date had an unbuttoned tropical shirt, or explained that there is no real difference between Republicans or Democrats. The only iffy answer on his questionnaire was that he was "middle of the road." I dropped him a line. It means the person is Tea Party but would consent to getting laid by a not-hysterical liberal, which rules me out. We went out four times in rapid succession, for coffee, lunches, a hike.
Sam told me not to give up, that I would meet a guy who was worthy of me, quote unquote. One of the bad coffee dates was a kingly little man who bore an unfortunate resemblance to Antonin Scalia, complete with tasseled loafers, who was snotty and disappointed until he figured out that I was a real writer. I saw the profile of a handsome religious man, who had graduate degrees, a great sense of humor, and did not look like Antonin Scalia. A man with a graduate degree, great sense of humor, spiritual but not religious, wrote to say he loved my work and felt we were kindred souls. He was very sweet and open, but had a compulsive Beavis and Butt-head laugh. We had chemistry, laughed a lot, sent lots of emails. I thought, in my mature and/or delusional way, that this would come, but it didn't.
In four-fifths of them, the men want to have sex way more often than the women do.
I would say almost none of the women would care if they ever got laid again, even when they are in good marriages. They do it because it makes the men like them more, and feel close for a while, but mostly women love it because they get to check it off their to-do lists. Also, 91 percent of men snore loudly – badly, like very sick bears.
He had gotten out, talked to the police, and gotten a peek at the corpse. I recommended that we reschedule to a day when he hadn't seen any dead people. But at lunch, he accidentally forgot to ask me anything about my life during the first 45 minutes of the conversation.
It was fascinating, that we did not get around to me until that one question. My pointing this out politely in an email the next day did not sit well.They like to think that they are "closest to Buddhism," and "open to the magic that is all around us." They are "people-people." They are "open-minded and welcome all viewpoints." They are rarely seeking religious nuts like myself -- rather, they are seeking open, non-judgmental women.(The frequent reference to wanting a non-judgmental woman makes a girl worry: What if you're pretty non-judgmental, but then Larry Craig asks you out for coffee, or Buzz Bissinger, and little by little, more is revealed?A 60-year-old man does not fantasize about a 60-year-old woman. I went onto with a clear knowledge that relationships are not the answer to lifelong problems. But I have come to learn that this means they think of themselves as friendly.They are "glass half-full kind of people." That's very nice.And the women are not crazy about the men's secret Internet porn lives. Yet union with a partner -- someone with whom to wake, whom you love, and talk with on and off all day, and sit with at dinner, and watch TV and movies, read together in bed, do hard tasks together, and to be loved by. I had experienced varying degrees of loneliness since my guy and I split up. Also, most men a single woman meets have been separated or divorced for about 20 minutes. Most seemed pretty normal, with college degrees, which I don't have, but certainly meant to; some attractive, mostly divorced but some like me, never married, some witty, some dull, sort of like real life.