Phases of dating

Not sure how you did it – most never make it this far – but you did it... You’re not yet “dating” in the traditional sense, but you are going on dates.

I understand this can be confusing, but what about this process isn’t?

Seeing as how you were probably highly intoxicated the first time around, you decide to see this person one more time.This decision is most likely the result of you not being certain whether or not the person was good in bed. Now it is acceptable for you to text this person at odd hours, preferably when you’re intoxicated or about to be intoxicated, to come over.Well, maybe not exactly a means of getting there, but a comfortable resting area while you look for a better watering hole.You like the sex and you even like the person you’re having sex with…You have now been dubbed – or vice versa – good enough to be with. Making it all the way to official status in our day and age is impressive – well done.

Unfortunately, you’re not good enough to be with right now. You can now throw on the romance and allow yourself to finally have feelings for the individual.

What was once explainable using a single digit binary code now requires the decimal system. Looking from the outside in, on the other hand, gives shape to the confusing and convoluted dating culture that we have created for ourselves.

Here are the more easily recognizable stages: Regardless of whether you met on the street, in a coffee shop, at your yoga class or in the park, the first date tallies up to one thing: either a successful or failed one-night stand.

You managed to black out sometime in the middle of it all and can’t figure out whether the person was the best or worst sex of your life. You have officially dubbed him/her, or have been dubbed, worthy of sexual pursuit. In this stage, it isn’t recommended that you refrain from calling the person or see him/her without drinking heavily or taking drugs – it may be awkward.

I mean, you’ve only been intimate a dozen times or so… This is the first stage when you actually matter to the person more than any other slab of meat would.

It doesn’t matter what the initial intentions are – not as if you know what the other person’s intentions are anyway – on the first date you’re either sleeping together or not.