Take Shilling’s example of reaching out to an ex about an anniversary or some other significant event.
interact with people outside their relationships like emotionally mature human beings? The idea that someone can not only be cheating on you, but possibly is so far into the waters of what-the-fuckery that sanity is only a speck on the horizon.To be blunt, this reads less like the behaviors of a cheating partner and the ravings of someone who’s convinced that their partner is banging telepaths whenever they close their eyes.That is, literallyhow people communicate these days. but quite frankly, the standards raised here are so questionable that I’m left wondering whether we can trust the interpretation of someone who seems to blare “Before He Cheats” 24/7 and Googles “undetectable keylogger” for fun. Why would he give someone a fake name in his contacts? or because he’s hoping to keep it a secret from his controlling abuser?Unicode hearts isn’t any more of an indicator that you’re giving your love to someone else any more than the barf emoji means you have food poisoning right now. These are the declarations of someone who could take the silver in existential paranoia and the bronze in manipulative motherfucker. Why would she close her messaging app when her partner came in the room?And while it’s inarguable that secrecy and sketchy behavior can be signs of ill intent, there’s another, more sinister side to these “signs” of incipient infidelity. They are all things and all people to you and to ignore this sacred bond is the crime that can never be forgiven. After all, if you’ve done nothing wrong, you’ve got nothing to fear. Reaching out to another friend is, likewise, a sign that you’re undermining your relationship. Because she’s exchanging sexy texts with her secret lover… Every behavior, no matter how banal or mundane, becomes justification to be angry at their lover.
If there’s one common denominator with many of the signs of “micro-cheating” it’s this: you’re spending time with anyone than your partner. In and of itself, this is the material of Overly Obsessed Girlfriend memes. The desire for privacy – for a corner of your life that you don’t share – becomes cause for suspicion. Having shared jokes, private conversations or even reminiscing over your past together is “putting your partner in second place.” Any relationship with someone becomes taboo because of the for micro-cheating. Is he making too many calls about “work” for the actual amount of work done? These supposed slights and micro-infidelities, these ways of “undermining the relationship” makes all of the problems the fault of the micro-cheater.It’s one thing if your husband comes home with the classic lipstick on his collar or your wife smells faintly of someone else’s cologne.It may break your heart to know that they’ve cheated on you, but you have a way of detecting it.It’s harder to conceal an infidelity when you have to be physically present to arrange it.But when they can have entire conversations with other people – in much? but why has he liked so many of his photos on Instagram?One of the important questions in any relationship is, simply, what have we promised to one another?